As told by his daughter Esther, from Southsea in Hampshire.
Dad and mum were married for 52 years, he would say that my mum, Sandy, was the love of his life. Together they built a life – dad to me and my brother Richard, and grandfather to Charlotte and Isabella.
Dad loved spending his free time with mum, from nights out at restaurants and live shows to incredible holidays in places like Sydney and New Orleans – two cities that spoke to his love of jazz.
Dad was a complex man in lots of ways. He wasn’t really a ‘people person’ as such, however he liked who he liked and so they enjoyed socialising with friends, Mum and him always had a very busy social life!
Dad worked in a variety of jobs throughout his life but mostly worked in the motor trade. Music had always been a huge part of who he was. As a child, he had dreamed of playing an instrument, but his family couldn’t afford lessons. That dream never faded, and in his 50s, he finally picked up the saxophone, dedicating himself to learning and even achieving a Grade 5 in Music Theory.
Dad had suffered from heartburn for as long as I could remember. Even when I was a child, I can remember him carrying around a pack of Bisodol to manage his symptoms. He had a hiatus hernia and was always careful about what he ate, knowing certain foods would trigger his acid reflux. He didn’t drink alcohol and just got on with it, managing his symptoms himself.
The Diagnosis No One Expected
In 2019 things began to change. He lost his appetite, started losing weight, and developed pain in his back. He also struggled more with swallowing. Some of the symptoms were dismissed at first – he had a pre-existing condition called arachnoiditis, which caused chronic back pain, and our family had recently switched to a plant-based diet, so the weight loss didn’t immediately raise alarm bells. But deep down, we knew something wasn’t right.
In August 2019, Dad was diagnosed with stage 3 oesophageal cancer. It was devastating, but we were given hope – he was told he would receive curative treatment. His treatment plan involved three months of chemotherapy, followed by an oesophagectomy in January 2020, and then post-surgery chemotherapy. But by the time that final round of chemo was due, COVID-19 had changed everything. After discussions with his oncology team, my parents made the difficult decision to forgo the post-surgery chemo due to the risks involved.
For a while, things seemed stable. But by autumn 2020, Dad started feeling unwell again. He developed another pain in his back, and after further tests, we received the heartbreaking news – the cancer had returned and had now spread into his chest cavity. From that point on, treatment was palliative. He had some radiotherapy, but his condition slowly deteriorated.
On June 29, 2021, just under two years after his diagnosis, Dad passed away aged 74 years.
Remembering Dad
Losing him was devastating. He was very much loved and is missed. I feel sad that he suffered so much in the end and was so desperate not to leave Mum. I think about him all the time and the nearly four years since he passed, seem like no time at all. So many things trigger a thought of him. He’s just always there.
